A Note of Love and Death

Abhinandan Pal
6 min readJun 13, 2020

Author’s Note: Don’t Belive her. She Imagines way too much. But they all do Hope and Imagination that’s what kills the Lonely and Creepy. And don’t forget to feel good about yourself.

I have a funny story for you. Let’s start with a joke, How do you win the game of life? Walk away. Even victory is the inception of a defeat. Hope, huh! Hope for Hope as each did once. Laughing at past self, aren’t you now?

I write this for my love, for he is allowed no more. And even if he were he wouldn’t care for it. His name was Jeffery. You might find me in tears with the word ‘Jeff’ from my eyes in red. Burning my skin while it flows through. Red and Pale that’s who I am now. Not always been that way neither did he, all red and rotten.

I will let him speak now. Don’t worry I will not leave you alone with a self-harming psychopath. I will be standing right by with a smile, as I had promised him. Hope you find me safe.Not that word again,uff. Oh and I do interrupt.

Before he begins let me describe him. Then, curly hair a man with no beard, a boy. There was a smile then a happy smile not like now to distract, to dissolve. And his blood, it was all in him then. I have a bit of it in a pink dress now. I love that dress, I love him and maybe I will be him at least to you friend. Now, he is just a piece of rotten meat in a mourning box under the ground. He is so beautiful even when rotten and with skull half smashed. I remember looking into his one remaining eye it had memories. Looked right into mine, a message for me.

On the first day under, there was no air to make the tiniest sound, no life to give bits of pain, just that one smell. Many smells. Rotten meat, medical kits wasted. It was so dark but my life had never been this bright. It was night always but that had been since a long while. There were so many lives in there lives as ugly as mine.<Don’t listen to him he is beautiful as I have mentioned before, believe me, he’s beautiful>. It felt good as I was finally away from the rain. As the days went by, the smell went greater. But who was to care I was in heaven underground.

At first, I heard footstep, too many, more than I knew names of. Where were they all these days? But they were not to stay and it became all clear. But there was one who stayed, not ashamed, didn’t see me as a coward, found me brave maybe forever. Sounds of those beautiful white pairs of shoes. The Suprise in her face when I had given them. She was my only remaining bone in earlier life and in the better one.<But it was all my fault, and for it, I weep>. There were tears in her eyes but a smile. Tears for herself and the smile was for me.

I know you want to go back in time or at least narrative. To know how I ended up under the surface and she over me with a dead white flower. It’s difficult, it’s difficult for either to say. And cruel of you to expect. But we will try our best, something they say we never did.

In a sentence, I stopped caring, I just wanted to run, run faster and farther than it was possible. But to run fast I advise you try falling it takes less effort. And was easier with all the weight and pressure over me. And those moments from the hight to the ground and then under with a certain degree of help and ritual, it was all just so priceless. Though now for my father he complained had to pay for the seemingly priceless journey. But you just get to do it only once. Remember to hit the record button in your mind you would wanna play it back and forth every angle. For you can do it only once. Unless you are a failure in it too.

As I fell the wind it did try to stop me as a therapist would. But she was no water the power to let live and to kill, taken too much. It was all just a moment but was a little lifetime to me. As soon as I hit the surface the pain that was all gone, I was free again so was blood. A Suicide, it takes place when the whole humanity meets and decides to kill someone. And as I think it’s the happiest way of getting murdered, of being liberated. It’s a mutual decision of so many. How can so many be wrong?

Let me tell you why I decided to run the fastest lap. There were voices

I could hear of silent droning slaves sucking to the power machine. I know you can hear them too, but if you do care welcome to my place. Here, newborns are raced to find and eliminate the broken ones. Turned into lab rats of dreamy hopes <no not that word again!>. So beautiful to see people peel off the skin for moments of beauty. Expected to look better, do better every dying second. They wore blinder with thorns to see their success. Taught to kill, to rob and to survive. It’s just too much life that it takes to survive, as we march to the sound of the ticking time-bomb. And I was a part of this civilization. And I simply didn’t want to be. Funny word, Civilization.

My body on the ground half skull smashed in a bloody background. Flowers on the other side. White were the roses. Part red from my blood. It was peaceful for me but not for someone who saw. For them it was surprising, seeing organ they always imagined in a close shell now scattered in chaos. Scattered like a family. Certainly, I wanted to create a beautiful portrait. Took me some time to find the perfect building and location and obviously time and date.My hands and legs in a Swastika. I don’t know if they noticed. I had wanted a Cross, I tried my best belive me, but slipped at the end. It ruined the symbolism but it was still beautiful, anyhow. There were so many people with their eyes on me. In all, my little pet project was a big success.<I came as soon as I heard, I am happy for you, love>.

It’s me again, Jenee, I am back. A scary beautiful story, ain’t it? He needs to take rest. So now I shall be your company. They say marrying is a Pretty woman’s life. And Work that’s for Strong women. I am none, just Alone. And They don’t expect one of us to be smart. We are just to nod our pretty faces. And the quieter we are the better it’s for them and us. I was all alone until he was born within me. They say find a man, and he will show you the world, and to the world. And he did, with his eyes I saw the funny little world of you and me. He also told me about his beautiful one. He taught me a little joke. And I was to be shown to the world by reenacting his final act. And this time not just in my mind.

Remember the Date 21st March 1912 and at 3 0'clock. I won’t tell you where in case you want to come in the way of a woman and her love. You must know how that always ends. And if you do figure out where it will bring popcorn. It’s going to be a once in a lifetime show. At least with me as the lead. I promise you I won’t fail you. Bring One of those fancy cameras if you could.

“Oh, and are you still waiting for Sunlight? Come over we will have a good time”